Eternal Impressions

[Take-52][Beginning of the story]

Coming closer

Another month passed by, thus, surfing through the crests and troughs this relationship already had. This was the first time in my life where my friends could abuse me for spending less time with them. They could blame that I have changed. Nothing of it was even remotely true, but who wanted it to be true. As luck would have it, I had virtually no work in office and  I could spend all my time building castles in thin air. The days used to start with her thought and end with a wish to meet her in dreams. And all the while I’d keep thinking of what to talk about today. It’s madness… but that’s the way it is.

January chills went past and it was pleasant February. Her diploma course was over. She was scheduled to come back in February. And I all I could think about is to meet her on the V’day. Never in my life could Valentine have been so special. As per her plan she would reach Bhopal (our home town) directly. And would be at home around the V’day. She had to join office the next week. Now I could have told her about my plans, but, I was planning something big. And I wanted it to be a surprise for her. I was hoping that it would be a pleasant one.

I booked my tickets and applied for the leave. I also informed home that I am planning a leave (for no good reason) because it has been long that I visited home. Mom was pretty happy to hear about my vacation plan. Not because I had been out for long. Not because she misses me badly (though she does). Because life is not straight and smooth and reality bites at wrong places.

[To be continued...]

[Take-51][Beginning of the story]

The new year bash

Sending romantic new year wishes, isn’t enough. Sending gift/bouquet at such a delicate turn in relationship is overrated. But being the first one to wish New Year - exactly at midnight - that too over a call is what makes it special. The marathon call started early on the new year as a usual chat session. But then as we kept tracking the countdown of minutes, it changed in to a voip call and there exactly as it was twelve in her country, I could listen to that freshness that one feels every time the three hands of the clock meet first time every year.

Our talks have a new flavor now. Now that the cat is out of the bag, I could openly flirt with her. Many things that did not matter earlier were discussed with some seriousness. I was still not sure about her feelings, but i was sure that she was certainly analyzing the option she had. I wasn’t a bad guy after all. It’s hard to know what clicks and what doesn’t with the other person.

So we did celebrate new year together. It was fun talking to her for the first time and specially on such special occasion. We talked for another hour or so, before I let her submit herself to sweet dreams. Now with such an unexpected start of the new year I was really looking forward to a Happy New Year.

[To be continued...]

[Take-50][Beginning of the story]

A new year wish

Like breeze in summer,
Like shade in rain,
Like Warmth in Winter chill,
Like freshness of spring,
And like Colors of autumn,

These seasons just come and go,
And make you happy for a while
I’d always wanna be with you,
Behind your every smile…

Coz you’ve been so bewildering,
Sweet, Cute and lovely dove,
Wishing you the best of everything,
Happiness, Success and Love…

With Loads and loads of best wishes,
And lots and lots and lots of love,

Wish you a very Happy New Year!!!

Yours Ujjwal

[To be continued...]

It’s also the 100th post on my blog! Thanks for your encouragement and love.

[Take-49][Beginning of the story]

Christmas that year

Next day was perhaps more crucial then the day that just went by. As I was fearing, she did not appear online that day. I wasn’t much perturbed by that though. I knew her weekends are mostly out of the house. And then, one of the biggest things, that I had to do this year, was already done. So, I could now just rejoice this accomplishment and plan for the new year party. I felt quite relaxed after that. I wasn’t worrying about the result of it, I never did. I believe that one should just do his part in the best possible way, and leave the rest to Almighty.

Also, these were the last few days (months) of single-hood, and I didn’t want to miss them. Even if it doesn’t work out with Ati, my mom would one day arrange it for me. Perhaps the best thing about being in India - Parents are more concerned about pairing you up, then you are. I so damn wanted to discuss this with mom, but I don’t know what stopped me. She knows all the crushes that I have ever had. And just this time, I could not tell her. Anyway, I was sure that whenever I will tell her, she’d be at my side.

So after two days of hide and seek, my lady appeared again on the chat window. We talked about weekend and other mundane things. Not a word about the proposal or future. Neither she, with her cautious tone, seemed interested, nor did I want to bug her. So things went this way that christmas and in the week to come. But then it was new year’s eve. And I know how to make special occasions really special.

[To be continued...]

[Take-48][Beginning of the story]

The proposal

It was about two hours, that we’d been meandering around the topics. And Sundays are the days when everyone’s home. My roomie Jazz wanted to narrate to me what happened in office on friday. I had no bloody interest in it… But had to hmm in between. Gosh! I wanted to focus and Jazz was almost pulling my face to watch him, when he is narrating his silly story. I was thinking of those three four words and pretending listening to Jazz’s overly exciting story and reading what my darling had to say on chat window. TV was loudly airing India v/s Bangladesh cricket and Sachin was playing. All my senses were being overused… It was a huge turmoil, a mental deadlock. Finally, I took a deep breath, gathered all my strength, ignored the racing heartbeats and typed in with frozen fingers.

NS: Will you ever tell me who’s that lucky girl

[pause][Heart jumping to come out of the mouth and fingers were freezing cold.][Jazz was still blabbering...]

me: ok… its YOU swt<3 !!!

NS: Is that a joke..plz don’t do it…

me: Since your family is already searching… What if my family someday talks to your family about us…?

me: Truly madly deeply .. u are the gal i like… And all I want is your happiness… whatever it takes… And I am sure I can keep you happy all life…

me: So what do you think?

[I knew what was coming... And I was just waiting to hear this...][God please take Jazz away! he is still singing... and the songs have changed.]

NS: I have never thought about it. I have always seen you as a good friend.

[Ha ha ha... there is no better reply][Phew! ease out baby ease out... Crank! Crank!... Calling stress management subroutine... Popping up jokes...][Had I heaven's embroidered cloth... i would push it Jazz's mouth!]

me: So now you can think about it and let me know if I can help you in the process. Be happy & don’t worry at all. I know you’d have concerns… but talk to me about anything on this earth or may be more… I can reach out till Jupiter… but not farther than that yet …

NS: hmmm he he

NS: But why me?

me: Dont ask tht plz.. i have no answer… [And I poured in all the adjectives I knew]

NS: m feeling bad that I am hurting you…

[No dear! It's not you today... It's Jazz... he is still blabbering...]

me: You are not… no worries… I’d take care of these bloody sentiments

me: heart is still throbbing up my throat

NS: he he

Then I just told her whatever else was in my mind. Kept blabbering for about seven minutes on the chat window. She was mostly quiet. Hmmming in between. I was happy that she read me out patiently. I really am and will always be extremely grateful to her all my life for this. That’s one mature thing to do. In the end I told her that I am not in any hurry for an answer. I just wanted her to think and decide in her own sweet time. And it was just fair, when I have taken years to decide, I should atleast give her a few months. She said she’d think about it.

[To be continued...] [Kar diya izahar]

[Take-47][Beginning of the story]

And the day arrived…

So then it was 21st Dec. and a sunday fortunately. Saturday evening for her. I had a strange feeling that woke me up and threw me out of my bed. I could never understand that vague anxiety… an unexplainable feeling that freaks me out. I feel that strange buildup in the stomach sometimes. As if my heart has been short circuited with abdomen and they both are now throbbing together. And almost every time it happens, she pings me or emails me. So in all my romanticism I have assumed that it’s something that happens when probably she is remembering me. My logical brains laughs its guts out at this. But what can be said about the other half, that is dominant these days. It is just so happy to think that way. Anyways, I was just out of bed.  And I hardly had my eyes opened and all I wanted to do was to search for my laptop and login to see if she is online. That’s a routine by the way. My laptop boots up before I do. Anyways cut the crap. No points for guessing….She was there. I started conversing the usual way…

me:Helloz

NS: Hey gud mornin…so early tdy..

me: Yea… lappy woke me up early tdy

NS: hehe

me: so Wassup…

NS: nothing much… thnkn to watch a mvi

It was winter solstice, and quite a chilly day outside, at her end. Mumbai was somehow pleasantly windy that day. It’s awesome when air is on the move in Mumbai, because generally it isn’t. So now that she was there and it was a weekend, and she was up quite late - I postponed brushing et. al. and stuck to my laptop. I knew this was the day. The conversation was just moving around. We talked about work, food, weather, weekend plans. And then, after a lot of struggle with myself, I convinced myself to do it. Heart was throbbing hard and breath was trying to catch up. If that is the case on chat, I wonder how freaky it can be in person. I brought the topic around marriage. And it’s kinda her favorite ones, but today she was little off the thoughts.

[To be continued...]

[Take-46][Beginning of the story]

Deciding the details

But how do I do it? Should I wait for her to come back and do it in person? She is planning to come back before the year end for a short vacation. But will i get to see her then? Because she is going directly to her home town. One series of thought suggests me that I can also visit the hometown then. I talked to her about her plans in India and looking at her busy schedule, it didn’t see like a workable plan at all. So there are scaringly sparse chances of me seeing her here.

And of course I had decided to do it before the year ends. I was just praying that I get to do it before she arrives back. There was a huge reason behind that. She is always talking about her parents being after her life to get her married. Now if that was true she would be showered with offers as soon as she is back. And just wanted my beloved to know that over all the great guys her parents might introduce her to, she has another option…Me! Me! Me! . See, so humble of me. I really don’t mind, at least as of now, if she keeps me as an option.

And since i don’t have her phone number, I decided I’d do it on chat. Not very wise idea, but surely different one. And success is about taking chances and converting them.

[To be continued...]

[Continued from Take-7][Take -45][Beginning of the story]

Back to ‘Preparing for the day’

Anyway, I decided that I’d do it the next time we coincidentally meet online on a weekend. - Two and a half months passed, after having decided. I kept swinging between hope and dispair. The more I talked to her, the more convinced I was about my decision. And more confused about her feelings. If there is something more complex than Einstein’s space-time continuum theory, it has to be your lady’s brain. One day it seems she can’t live without me, the very next day it appears as if there is long way to go. But I knew I need to stop thinking about her’s (because I don’t know them), and focus on mine. I was convinced that there is no sure way to find out her feelings until I share mine. That’s what she had taught me. “If you like her, tell her.” Twice a day she has to ask me if I was seeing someone, and twice a day I had to convince her that I was not.

But the question still was, Do I like her? Yes I do. But Am I ready to commit? Now this one’s a googly. You are never sure how much the ball will turn until you play the shot. I think the only way to find out is to talk to her about it. Share the feelings. See how it goes about. What if she says “Yes”. Horror! My life would just change in a single moment. In an instant the weight of the world will be pushed on my shoulders. I would need to talk to my family about it, and convince them… then talk to her family, convince them too. Huff! it can be huge. But is it possible? I am no Shahrukh Khan that she’d be desperate to be with me. I convinced myself that even if she’s interested, she won’t say ‘Yes’ instantly! And I’ll have enough time to find out. Period.

[To be continued...][Ummeed-o-yaas]

[Take-44][Beginning of the story]

A long shortcut

It was first time I was going to see Mansi (MissedCall lady). We’ve been talking on phone for over two years now, but have never seen each other in person. Not even pictures. Though it was easy to share pics, but we were happy with pictures that we could draw from the voices. She has been living in Rohtak, Haryana and me in Mumbai. Today was the day when that shadow in my imagination was going to have a face. Mansi has been in Mumbai for past five months to pursue her MBA. She is a typical small town girl. Earlier she was very charmed with Mumbai’s fast paced life, but soon it got to her nerves. I’d been helping her out in everything that she needed to anchor to Mumbai life, from day one. Still, it took her five months to think about meeting me in real.

We set up a meeting in a CCD that was about equidistant for both of us. I was actually excited to be meeting my phone friend. I put on a white shirt on blue denim jean. It was a long route by mumbai local. But with music player in my pocket, I tend to enjoy these still moments, with myself. There is no worry, no hurry and no anxiety, even though I was meeting her for the first time. I used to be more anxious before seeing Ati first time everyday. It’s all in the bloody brain.

I reached the rendezvous point and dialled her number. I could see a thin, fair girl sitting alone on one corner of the cafe, looking at every face with attention, with her hand in her purse. She was clad in a light blue salwar kurta. I could understand that she was searching for her ringing cell phone in the big ladies bag she was carrying. I wonder if there were rabbits inside. She did not look punjabi at all. But, I knew it was her. I waved my hand and she replied back.

We enjoyed the coffee, (she likes coffee), and talks for about three hours which went past in a jiffy. It was an extremely different feeling, trying to compare a real thing with what I had been imagining. I understand how radio listeners would have felt watching television for the first time. She looked beautiful in her frameless glasses and short deep black hair. A beautiful array of white teeth between those light pink lips give her a perfect smile that could steal any heart. I might have lost my heart had I been carrying it. I narrated you this story because Mansi, in those three hours of talk, convinced me to propose the lady, I fear,  I am in love with.

[To be continued...]

[Take-43][Beginning of the story]

Living online

Love is like a banana peel in the walk of life. You should tread cautiously, because if you slip off love… you’d enjoy the fall. When you fall in love, the very second thing you loose is sleep. The first being the mind. :-). So the chatting sessions kept on increasing in length and depth. God bless the inventor of chat engines. They sometimes started with seven in the evening, and end at four in the morning. My nights had more significance then days. Because my night was her day. We had to talk about all the things that happened in the day, and also about things that could have happened.

I learnt about all her family by name and characteristics. We shared our favorites, habits, likes and dislikes, family traditions and everything that we perhaps needed to know to get into a life long commitment. I realized that she isn’t a perfect match for me. If I say morning she’d say dusk. But I believed that love can conquer all differences. Living together is about enjoying the similarities and respecting the differences.  And then they say nothing is perfect, so I shouldn’t  be looking for perfection at all. Moreover, logic hardly has any say in the matter of hearts.

I had switched to a new company and also moved to a new place in Mumbai. So, had this chat thing not started, my chances of seeing her again would have been really miniscule. Anyway, I could now see the conspiracy behind everything that was happening. Life is like a big jigsaw puzzle, and we live in the tessellated pieces. After a while these pieces start adding up and it’s exciting to see the big picture that seems to be coming up. And life suddenly starts making sense. It may also be just an illusion but then, it at least helps you keep yourself happy. And that’s what life is about… Being Happy!

[To be continued...] [Haath badhaa kar dekhna]