Eternal Impressions

[Continued from Take-7][Take -45][Beginning of the story]

Back to ‘Preparing for the day’

Anyway, I decided that I’d do it the next time we coincidentally meet online on a weekend. - Two and a half months passed, after having decided. I kept swinging between hope and dispair. The more I talked to her, the more convinced I was about my decision. And more confused about her feelings. If there is something more complex than Einstein’s space-time continuum theory, it has to be your lady’s brain. One day it seems she can’t live without me, the very next day it appears as if there is long way to go. But I knew I need to stop thinking about her’s (because I don’t know them), and focus on mine. I was convinced that there is no sure way to find out her feelings until I share mine. That’s what she had taught me. “If you like her, tell her.” Twice a day she has to ask me if I was seeing someone, and twice a day I had to convince her that I was not.

But the question still was, Do I like her? Yes I do. But Am I ready to commit? Now this one’s a googly. You are never sure how much the ball will turn until you play the shot. I think the only way to find out is to talk to her about it. Share the feelings. See how it goes about. What if she says “Yes”. Horror! My life would just change in a single moment. In an instant the weight of the world will be pushed on my shoulders. I would need to talk to my family about it, and convince them… then talk to her family, convince them too. Huff! it can be huge. But is it possible? I am no Shahrukh Khan that she’d be desperate to be with me. I convinced myself that even if she’s interested, she won’t say ‘Yes’ instantly! And I’ll have enough time to find out. Period.

[To be continued...][Ummeed-o-yaas]

[Take-44][Beginning of the story]

A long shortcut

It was first time I was going to see Mansi (MissedCall lady). We’ve been talking on phone for over two years now, but have never seen each other in person. Not even pictures. Though it was easy to share pics, but we were happy with pictures that we could draw from the voices. She has been living in Rohtak, Haryana and me in Mumbai. Today was the day when that shadow in my imagination was going to have a face. Mansi has been in Mumbai for past five months to pursue her MBA. She is a typical small town girl. Earlier she was very charmed with Mumbai’s fast paced life, but soon it got to her nerves. I’d been helping her out in everything that she needed to anchor to Mumbai life, from day one. Still, it took her five months to think about meeting me in real.

We set up a meeting in a CCD that was about equidistant for both of us. I was actually excited to be meeting my phone friend. I put on a white shirt on blue denim jean. It was a long route by mumbai local. But with music player in my pocket, I tend to enjoy these still moments, with myself. There is no worry, no hurry and no anxiety, even though I was meeting her for the first time. I used to be more anxious before seeing Ati first time everyday. It’s all in the bloody brain.

I reached the rendezvous point and dialled her number. I could see a thin, fair girl sitting alone on one corner of the cafe, looking at every face with attention, with her hand in her purse. She was clad in a light blue salwar kurta. I could understand that she was searching for her ringing cell phone in the big ladies bag she was carrying. I wonder if there were rabbits inside. She did not look punjabi at all. But, I knew it was her. I waved my hand and she replied back.

We enjoyed the coffee, (she likes coffee), and talks for about three hours which went past in a jiffy. It was an extremely different feeling, trying to compare a real thing with what I had been imagining. I understand how radio listeners would have felt watching television for the first time. She looked beautiful in her frameless glasses and short deep black hair. A beautiful array of white teeth between those light pink lips give her a perfect smile that could steal any heart. I might have lost my heart had I been carrying it. I narrated you this story because Mansi, in those three hours of talk, convinced me to propose the lady, I fear,  I am in love with.

[To be continued...]

[Take-43][Beginning of the story]

Living online

Love is like a banana peel in the walk of life. You should tread cautiously, because if you slip off love… you’d enjoy the fall. When you fall in love, the very second thing you loose is sleep. The first being the mind. :-). So the chatting sessions kept on increasing in length and depth. God bless the inventor of chat engines. They sometimes started with seven in the evening, and end at four in the morning. My nights had more significance then days. Because my night was her day. We had to talk about all the things that happened in the day, and also about things that could have happened.

I learnt about all her family by name and characteristics. We shared our favorites, habits, likes and dislikes, family traditions and everything that we perhaps needed to know to get into a life long commitment. I realized that she isn’t a perfect match for me. If I say morning she’d say dusk. But I believed that love can conquer all differences. Living together is about enjoying the similarities and respecting the differences.  And then they say nothing is perfect, so I shouldn’t  be looking for perfection at all. Moreover, logic hardly has any say in the matter of hearts.

I had switched to a new company and also moved to a new place in Mumbai. So, had this chat thing not started, my chances of seeing her again would have been really miniscule. Anyway, I could now see the conspiracy behind everything that was happening. Life is like a big jigsaw puzzle, and we live in the tessellated pieces. After a while these pieces start adding up and it’s exciting to see the big picture that seems to be coming up. And life suddenly starts making sense. It may also be just an illusion but then, it at least helps you keep yourself happy. And that’s what life is about… Being Happy!

[To be continued...] [Haath badhaa kar dekhna]

[Take-42][Beginning of the story]

New beginning

Three days went by, and my hopes sank somewhere close to Mariana Trench, when one day, my inbox displayed Nikita Sharma. She finally found time to reply…

—-

Hi,

Thanks a lot for your wishes. Ya! it’s been really long. I have been reading your interesting status messages on orkut, seems like there is som1 in your life. :-). I’d add you in chat, then we can catch up.

ok later…

Thanks & Regards,

Nikita

PS:-loved the purple rose! you still remember those. lol.

—-

That was like addding oil to a dying flame. I had started breathing again. Those were the days when chatting wasn’t built-in the Orkut. And then as she said, we started chatting. Online conversation is of a very different kind. It’s a all new experience. It opens up possibilities of knowing things that are usually unexpressed when we are face to face. Certainly this new beginning was going to be big. Life surely gives us a second chance, at least to check if we are prepared.

[To be continued...]

[Take-41][Beginning of the story]

The Birthday wish

I have not really been in touch with Ati all this while. A few scraps online, a few comments left on the uploaded pics and that was it. We weren’t even connected on online chat. But out of the blue I wanted to do something special on her birthday. I thought about it and realized that all I can do is wish her on email. In Words of Boyzone ‘It’s only words… and words were all I had to take her heart away…’. So I wrote an email:

—

Heyiiiii Niks,

Congratulations! and loads and loads of wishes on your yet another SIXTEENTH birthday. Growing up is said to be a choice and growing old isn’t an option for you. . May this year bring momentous occasions and timeless memories. May your paths be filled with bliss, love and success. Can’t think of a present i could send you, but I remember the purple rose

May the colors and fragrance of all purple roses adorn you … Always.

It’s been a while since we talked, but you’ve always been on my mind. There have been wonderful moments that we’ve spent together - the memories of which I’ve treasured. Hope the foreign land has been treating you well, and hasn’t changed you much.

On this special day, just wanted to tell you how special you are to me. There are a million things to say, and hear. Hope we’d meet up some day and catch up.

Lotza best wishes,

Ujjwal

—-

I had once asked her about her favorite flowers and she had said - “Roses”.

“Hmmm and what color?” I continued.

“Purple and Black…” She replied.

I was stunned. After scratching my head for a while I said, “Wuhow… I’ve never seen a purple or black rose.”

She laughed. “Oh I thought you are talking about fav colors in general. I like red roses.” And we kept laughing. Since then, my eyes do sometimes stop at flower shops and look for purple roses.

[To be continued...]

[Take-40][Beginning of the story]

God’s mischief

Fortunately or unfortunately, most of the gals around me, the ladies who I really admire, are already engaged. Sometimes I think God forgot to write my love story, and so he mischievously placed them around me … so that I don’t feel left out. He sent Anjali so that I have someone to talk to, watch movies with and fight. Anja - the chatterbox, we can talk for hours together on any topic under the sky, or may be without any real topic. We don’t take day meals without each other. She is just waiting get back to Delhi and get married to her childhood love. Then god sent the bold and beautiful Pooh - my adventure partner. She is always up for any kind of adventure I can think of. She is also in many ways like my elder sister. She is fighting with her family to let her marry her college time love. Vineet (Pooh’s boyfriend) is a nice guy and is almost a part of our group now.

Since after taking leave from me they get involved on phone with their would-be partners. God sent Mansi and Shraddha so that I can talk to someone on phone. Mansi - my missed call lady. Mansi is like a voice you can fall in love with, just like you might love Lata Mangeshkar or may be Shreya Ghoshal.  And Shraddha a typical Gujju gal who claims to be my biggest fan. She was with me during the first two months of my job, after which she moved to another company in Ahmedabad, nearer to her home. We’ve never met since then, but she knows more about me then perhaps anyone else does. She taught me what true love is. I was hoping god sends me a pillion rider, who wouldn’t mind me using the disk brakes of my bike. And god sure did take care of this when I met this typical Mumbaiite girl Tanya. She managed operations in a BPO and was also a part-time fashion model. I learnt a lot in these strange, puzzling but extremely interesting relations, and I am totally indebted to them for having made my life a special one.

But my quest was for love. A person who completes me. My relation with Tanya grew to be more intimate than I would have liked. Fortunately or unfortunately, Tanya wasn’t the kind of girl I could love. And like a bird on a ship in the middle of a sea, the farther I try to fly away, I always had to land up at the same place. So my experiments with myself, my thoughts and my appraoch continued for around eight months. And then, it was August again.  August is beautiful in perhaps every country. August is what has achieved mention from almost all great English poets. August is the month of love, and it also has Ati’s birthday.

[To be continued...]

[Take-39][Beginning of the story]

The Resolution

Before I got down the cab, I was already off the sentimental thoughts and looking forward to planning for approaching New year’s eve. We always celebrate new year in a new way. Something that we’ve not done before. Once we celebrated it in a expensive page-3 party and once we celebrated it singing and dancing with hymns of krishna at an Art of Living convention. This time we decided to celebrate it on a beach.

When with friends weekends just passes in a jiffy. I hoped that she might call me after reaching there, but she didn’t. I think one can choose how he feels. And I had chosen not to feel disappointed. Sometimes there is some emotional upsurge, but time settles all tides. In fact, I decided to look for some new things in life, in this new year. I was thinking about creating new relationships with newer approach. So as I was planning to bid 2007 adieu, my resolution for year 2008 was to propose a girl before the year ends. Since Ati was far off and seemingly had forgot me already I was determined to look for new ones.

I know I have had my share of apprehensions, misunderstandings, faults and due to which some great relations have suffered. In my run towards my aim, I could not carry the shackles of some relations. Some broke off, and some had to be severed. But I have taken care to build some really good ones and I do take time to nurture them. My relation with Ati has been the most conondrous one so far. It neither builds up, nor breaks off. It was trying to build a sand-castle on a beach. One day it looked in shape and the very next day it looked all washed out by the waves of time. I wanted to try falling in love. And as per my new year resolution I will not delay in sharing my feelings. I had no prepared-plan to achieve my target, but when there’s a will, there are many ways.

[To be continued...]

[Take-38][Beginning of the story]

The distance…

While her parents were busy talking to her taking minute updates of what’s going inside the airport, her Uncle seemed to be more interested in knowing everything about me. He had several questions to ask about me, my family and about our relationship. Being an engineer himself, we had a lot of common things to talk about. He knew how to get all the info without being direct or embarrassing me. I did not mind it either. He also offered me to travel back with them and have dinner together. But it was friday night and I had plans for the weekend.

So I took their leave and took a cab to my friend’s place. I was curious about the inquisitiveness of her Uncle. I was also thinking if she would call me after reaching there? or should I? I was also thinking about the relationship between me and Ati. The way it started with a casual chat over CVM. And then grew to a friendship of a different kind. We never go out on weekends or watch movies together, like I do with my other set of friends. We do not feel any urgency to share life’s most important news, decisions or events. But it still is special. Is it anywhere close to being in love. I might have developed some attraction and it may just be a prolonged infatuation. It might just be a fantasy to be thinking about love so soon. We had seen some formal interaction, some embarrassing moments like when the whole office was watching us jaw dropped. We had some casual talks like in the bus and also some intimate moments like that evening. I might have been a desperate bloke, or she might have been a confused lass or may be the other way round, or may be neither. But, all said and done, I like her.

Moreover the huge villain in my burgeoning love story was distance. Distance,  as I have come to understand, is the biggest test of true love. Someone rightly said that distance is to love what wind is to fire… it extinguishes the small and enkindles the great. I have seen some admirable love-couples and then their heart shattering breakups the major reason of which was distance. Distance is not a reason, but it is certainly a situation that brings about several reasons. So, I did not know how this relation was going to work out in this new situation. But a great thing about unseen situations is that it brings unknown results. And if it’s not life-taking, unknown is usually quite interesting. And with a positive attitude, everything simply happens for good.

[To be continued...]

[Take 37][Beginning of the story]

Adieu…2

Mind says May be…

Confusion is almost always the most honest answer. I hate my mind sometimes. It always comes in the way of the heart. Anyways, I called her up on the day of departure. I thought may be some talking can help me come out of the confusion. And boy! it did. She told me that parents had come to see her off and that she is quite busy shopping so there wasn’t a chance of meeting with friends. So I cleverly offered to see her off at the airport, and she could not deny.

So my darling was leaving for eleven months, and I might just never see her again. Moreover, it was the first time I’d be meeting her family. The pressure was huge. The good thing about living with friends though is that you get a lot of support in such times. So after a series of permutations and combinations, heated arguments, insane discussions it was decided that I’d be wearing a light white & green check semi formal shirt with denim jean. Clean shaved. Fortunately, I was allowed to keep my gotie intact. Since family was present, no red roses. So we decided on Yellow lilies or alternatively pink roses depending on the availability.

Quite unusual of my character, I reached the airport a little bit in advance. After fifteen minutes she arrived with her family which included her younger bro, mom, dad and uncle. Indian girl going abroad is a big thing for the family. I was already standing at the terminal gate, somewhere in the crowd. I was a little hesitant about the timings, how do I approach them and when. But I just drifted along as I was thinking all this . In a few moments, somehow, I was amidst the whole group, like an unidentified non-flying object. They were not expecting me. And they were certainly not expecting a guy with a bunch of pink roses and looking at their daughter. She apparently had not told them about me yet. Avoiding everyone’s discomforting stare, I was trying to wear a smile as I greeted Ati.

“Heyii”, I exclaimed, with a pasted smile. (No pet names, I revised within)

“Hey Ujjwal!” (Thank God she recognizes me). Her welcome was not only soothing for me, it eased out a lot of tension in the group. And then she introduced me to everyone. It’s a great experience to face a semi-interview from families. The questions are cliched, Name, What do you do, Where are you from? Since when are you working? etcetera. It’s actually a great experience when you know the answers and you also know that answers are going to be in your favor. I being from the same religion, caste and city as theirs. After a rapid fire quiz, focus went back to the cynosure departing lady. She was looking sweet in her simple white top and blue denims, and holding the bouquet of roses. We bid her an emotional adieu, and while she moved through the check-in and security checks, I was having an interesting time with the family members.

[Take-36][Beginning of the story]

Adieu…1

When she told me in the porch, it didn’t strike me much. I simply wished her best regards, shook hands (after so long) and bid her adieu. After I left her and started walking towards the desk, I felt as if I left something behind. The mind is so used to involuntary checks. My hands went straight to the shirt pocket, my ID card and pen were there. I was still walking and my hands checked mobile in left pocket and wallet in back pocket of trouser. Everything was in place. Then I took my ID card out of the pocket and swiped in to enter the wing. And as I entered the feeling got stronger. I was still walking, and soon as I reached the desk, I could no more bear the call of that missing something.

I rushed back to the porch, crossing my PMs cabin, smiling back at people looking at me. I didn’t know why I was traveling back. Might as well have dropped my mind somewhere. Sometimes you just don’t know what you are looking for, but you still search for it. I swiped out, rushed to the porch and she was just leaving from the other exit. Logic says she should have left the porch long back. Without thinking much though, I called out…

“Nikitaaah”. Fortunately no one except the security guard was around.

“Yes”, she said as she hopped back in.

“Ah.. did I… mmm… drop something here?..mmm … I mean you saw something?”

“Something? Like? ” She was smiling at my confused stammering. WTF! was I saying? (My mind just jumped back into activity. )

“Ah mmm nothing … I think I dropped my pen (Mind was back). I mean ..ya there’s one here, but I think I was carrying another one.” I somehow managed to put.

“Nopes. That guy might help.” She pointed towards the security guy.

“Yeah! Nevermind… So let me know if I can help you with something. And be in touch.”

“Yeah! sure.” She smiled again. These smiles of gals, I believe, have seventeen hundred meanings. And I’d never know which one is relevant to the context. Ever. And we bid adieu again. And I saw her leaving. While I acted asking the security about an imaginary lost and found pen, my eyes followed her right to the entrance of the other building, in which she works these days. I was thinking that it might be our last meeting. But something inside was quite positive about meeting her again. As I returned to the desk, I was thinking if I could meet her once before she leaves. But should I?

[To be continued...]